UNPOPULAR OPINION: WHY CALLING YOURSELF A "HOT MESS" IS HOLDING YOU BACK
Unpopular opinion, perhaps, but when someone self-declares themselves as a hot mess, it makes me cringe.
Yet, we see it all the time. The hashtag “hot mess” has been used on Instagram over a million times.
Declaring, or even thinking, that you are a hot mess is totally defeating. It’s like you are putting on a brave face, by telling the world you don’t give a rip, yet you are labeling yourself which keeps you from having to reach for more or, more accurately, from wanting more.
I know this “hot mess” feeling. I know it well. But sometimes we use trendy words without even realizing how much they play with our subconscious and keep us playing small.
WHAT DOES “HOT MESS” REALLY MEAN?
What does “hot mess” mean to you? What is the woman who says this actually feeling? Tired, wiped, barely holding on, needing a break, wishing she could feel like she’s got it all together, wanting to be energized and organized.
This woman feels like there isn’t enough of her to go around, yet the Instagram photos would have her book-ending her day with “can’t function without coffee” and pouring a glass of red in the evening, talking about the crazy mom life, sporting a messy bun, and a cute oversized sweatshirt that says something witty, all while being praised for “keeping it real” and being relatable.
Why is that more accepted than her saying, I’m really overwhelmed these days, but I know it will get better. I’m doing what I can and being gentle with myself?
THE SURFACE LEVEL STRUGGLE
Don’t get me wrong, I like coffee and I enjoy a good glass of merlot once in a while. I get it, but we are missing the point with this surface level stuff that is actually hiding some bigger stuff.
It’s a crappy feeling to feel scattered and exhausted, but sometimes we announce it as a form of community building. It’s like saying, hey all you other tired, overwhelmed women out there! I’m here! Let’s be this way together, so that it feels better.
But does it? When you are down, does it feel better to be around others who are down or does it just feel more comfortable and safe? When you are exhausted and depleted, does it feel energizing to focus on it? Do you want to be in it longer, or do you want to move through it?
EMBRACE HEALING, REST, AND GROWTH
Let me be clear, I don’t think we always need to be pushing to be great, quite the opposite actually. I do not believe in hustle culture whatsoever. I believe strongly in healing and rest and honouring our feelings, but I do believe in refining ourselves and being resourceful in finding ways to feel better, to feel uplifted, to feel balanced and to feel peace.
I believe that we are meant to thrive and that life ebbs and flows. We go through seasons of rest and hibernation, seasons of visibility and growth and seasons of abundance and flow.
YOU ARE NOT “A MESS”
You are not “a mess.” You are so much more even if you are feeling like you are in a mess or feeling messy, or feeling messed up…it’s not who you are. It is an experience you are having.
It’s an experience we’ve all had, but it doesn’t have to be something you label yourself as, and you can choose a different experience.
CHOOSING YOUR IDENTITY
Imagine going to a conference and women could choose either “hot mess” as their name tag or “divine being”, what do you think most would choose?
What would you choose?
How would each of those options feel? How would you show up differently with each of those options?
DECLARE THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE
If you are going to declare something about yourself, let it be the truth of what’s really inside. That’s keeping it real. That’s showing up fully for your life. That’s being in gratitude for another day on this earth.
It’s time to start raising the bar for our well-being, wouldn’t you say?
I’d say so. We are meant for so much more.
With so much love and belief for what’s possible for you,
Tina xo
P.S. If you are feeling like you have no idea how to go from a “hot mess” in survival mode, to a divine being that is thriving, you need to be in the Glow with Your Flow program.
I show you the path to feeling good again, to understanding yourself, to having better relationships with yourself and others, to remembering the truth of who you really are, to clarity, peace and balance for you specifically.
Ayurveda is not just a healing system—it's a holistic lifestyle that empowers you to thrive physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Rooted in ancient wisdom and validated by modern science, Ayurveda offers practical tools to restore balance and prevent disease by aligning your habits with nature’s rhythms. Discover how personalized healing, the mind-body-spirit connection, and daily rituals can help you unlock your full potential and experience more joy, peace, and fulfillment.
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Your body is always supporting you. It so incredibly intelligent and it does so much for you, asking nothing in return. Even though we live busy, intense and physically and emotionally toxic lives, our body still wants to heal. It's up to us to get out of the way and let it do what it needs to do.
Let's take a look at 4 simple ways to begin healing from within.
Heal While You Sleep
Sleep is the time that your body heals itself. While you sleep your organs rest and regenerate, wastes are metabolized and emotions are processed. Your body knows what to do, but when you go to bed late, you lose out on precious healing time. Ayurveda teaches that going to bed around 10pm to get the most out of this transformative, healing time. Between 10-2 is PITTA time.
In Ayurveda, Pitta Dosha is made of the fire and water elements. Fire is responsible for digestion and transformation. If you wait to go to bed, you might find that you get a sudden second wind during this time and can have a harder time falling asleep after.
To support you in getting a good night’s sleep, try diffusing lavender and cedarwood essential oils, do a self-massage on your feet to give yourself a little self-love before going to sleep. Stay off devices for at least an hour before bed, try to go to bed around the same time every night, journal and recapitulate your day or brain dump your thoughts without attachment or emotion. As you go to sleep, breathe deeply, in and out. Sink into your mattress. Feel every part of you sinking deeper and deeper as you breathe. Expect a deep, soothing sleep to follow.
Heal While You Go Within (Meditate)
When you meditate you connect with the deeper part of you that is connected to all things, a greater consciousness. You connect to your subtle body, which is exactly how it sounds, more subtle than the physical body. Meditation is where you practice just being. It’s turning inward. It allows you to centre yourself and regroup your thoughts.
It has been said that when you pray, you are speaking to God, but when you meditate, you are listening to God.
Now you can call that Universe, Source, whatever suits your choices, but you get the idea. It means that you are connecting to the part of you that holds the truths, the answers, the peace, the grace and limitless possibilities. Meditation is often mistaken for “clearing your mind” or “pausing the thoughts in your head”, but that is not it at all. It is about being aware of your thoughts without attachment. Just letting them go by. Bringing your focus back to your breath, and image or a mantra, for example.
Deepak Chopra says, “Meditation is not about forcing your mind to be quiet, it’s about finding the silence that is already there”.
Meditation can bring:
- Relief from depression
- Lowered blood pressure
- Stress relief
- Helps you regain your inner calm and equilibrium
- Improved digestion
- Improved memory
- Improved interpersonal relationships
- Reduced anxiety
- And overall healing to your body systems because you are turning down the stress response, which most people are currently always in.
Heal With Mother Nature
We often think of the environment as something outside of ourselves, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. In Ayurveda, the environment is considered your extended body. Part of the physical body. This is why when we align ourselves with the rhythms of nature, we naturally come back into balance.
The elements found in nature are what makes up the entire universe including you. For example, the sun in the environment is the element of fire which in your body shows up as your digestive fire (the Sanskrit term for this is Agni) and it is responsible for transformation of everything we take in through our 5 senses.
When you want to heal, you can replenish your mind, body and spirit by connecting with nature. If you simply visit a natural area and walk in a relaxed way, you begin to calm & restore yourself, and feel rejuvenated. Forest Bathing is an example of this. Forest bathing is basically taking in the forest atmosphere.
- Improved focus
- Mood boost
- Improved intuition
- A sense of overall well-being
- Stress reduction
- Immune boost
- Lower risk of disease
They say to let hug a tree, but rather try letting the tree hug you. Lean against the tree and feel the connection. If it’s not winter where you are, stand barefoot on the grass, in the sand, in the water. If it is winter, go out and breathe the crisp winter air. Listen to the crunch as you step with your boots into the snow. Observe the brightness of the environment. Just spend time in awareness.
Even if you can’t get to a forest or getting outside is tricky, you can have plants in your home, spend time sitting near a window and feeling the sun, even looking at a desk fountain and listening to the sounds of nature or looking at a picture of nature and imagining the smells and the feelings. If you have essential oils, grab a tree oil of any kind like pine or northern lights black spruce, my fave, and place a drop in your hands, rub your hands together and cup over your mouth and. Breathe in and breathe out.
Heal While You Play
You need to make room for fun in your life. To do things you love, laugh, have relationships, and interact with others. This allows you to experience new things, grow, receive from others, give, explore and extract emotional nourishment.
It allows you to feel good, despite any circumstances you might be facing which makes room for a new perspective or solutions. It allows you to literally lighten up on your journey of enlightenment.
Be well,
Tina xo
Want to learn more ways to heal and live with ease and flow? Click here to grab my free guide to help you stop burning out, so you can start burning BRIGHT!
WHY AM I SO TIRED?
I want to offer a new perspective on one of THE MOST common phrases we all hear and say almost on the daily.
Is there more to it than just lack of sleep or improper diet? What about those who eat right, exercise and sleep okay and are otherwise healthy, but something still isn’t right. I’m not talking about those with a sleep disorder or underlying health issue, just the majority of humans who feel “exhausted” most of the time.
When you say you feel so tired, what do you actually mean? I can assume you have “low energy”. What if rather than just feeling physically low in energy, you considered “low frequency energy”. Yes, that’s right. How you feel emotionally can directly affect your physical state. Most people think, I’m cranky because I’m tired. What if you feel tired, because you are cranky?
How you feel emotionally is always a reflection of the thoughts you keep thinking. If you are thinking a lot of negative (low frequency) thoughts, you will feel the negative emotions. If you are focused on problems, or something that you want, but don’t have, you experience lack and negative emotion.
The same is true on the positive side. If you are thinking about all the things you appreciate about your life, you will feel the positive emotion. You will feel more excited and energized.
If you focus on all that you appreciate, the possibilities out there, good people around you, it would be pretty hard to not feel invigorated.
So, what to do if you are feeling “low vibe”?
First check out the Emotional Guidance Scale to assess the current emotions you're feeling here. From there you can see what the next best feeling emotion would be so that you can actually recognize when you are moving up the scale and are feeling better energetically.
The following are a few quick ideas to start raising your energy.
- Think of someone you care about. When you focus on someone who is easy to love, you open up your heart and start to feel a shift toward happiness.
- Meditate. Meditation will keep you from focusing on the past or future and centre you in the present moment. It can also calm your anxiety and has so many other health benefits that collectively raise your vibe.
- Watch an uplifting show or listen to music that makes you happy. The way we consume content can really affect our mood, good or bad. Take control of what you allow into your head and start to notice how you feel in your body when you are watching something, listening to a song or scrolling on Instagram.
- Assess your friend circle. You need to guard your relationships because spending time with low-vibe, negative people can only bring more of that in your life. If your friends are uplifting and encouraging this will add to the collective mood, raise your vibe and add to the quality of your life.
- Connect with Mother Nature. Nature is deeply healing and can really invigorate you and your spirit. Get outside even for a few minutes a day.
- Breathe in or diffuse high quality essential oils - citrus oils always help to bring on a happy heart.
Sending you nothing but high vibes,
Tina xo
What are some of the ways you raise your vibration and get to a better feeling mood? Let us know in the comments.
You’ve heard it a million times. DO WHAT YOU LOVE. Heck, I say it often, “do more of what you love”. I could think of so many things that I enjoy doing now, but it wasn’t always that way.
There was a time that I couldn’t even hear what my heart wanted. I didn’t really have anything I felt passionately about. I didn’t have any hobbies that I enjoyed. I was just going through the motions. I would dabble here and there, but that was about it. No time to really care about that stuff.
Is this you? Are you like, what the heck do I even want to do with myself when I have 15 minutes to spare?
Growing up, I never knew what I wanted to do. I know many people know what they wanted to be as a little girl, but that just wasn’t me. I’ve learned that I couldn’t hear my dream because it wasn’t safe to dream. I didn’t feel supported and I didn’t have high hopes. Dreaming big would have only led to disappointment, so my mind didn’t go there.
If you can relate to this, perhaps you walked a similar path to what I did. I chose the wrong relationships and didn’t have healthy boundaries and just went through the motions telling myself I was "content".
It’s so easy to tell ourselves we are happy keeping it simple and content with very little because it’s an easy way out. I felt this way and always said, I just go with the flow. This was true, but I knew deep down it was more than that.
I had this feeling that I was meant for something more, but it was such a faint whisper. Always with me, but never loud enough for me to really hear. Being a wife and mother was the only dream I had ever had. I had accomplished that and was living it every day, but outside of that, I felt stalled at work. I felt untapped. The question remained, what the heck was I meant to do?
Fast forward to present day, and my dreams and ideas of what is possible actually keep me up at night. In the BEST way. So how did I find them?
I DECIDED it was important to me and that I was ready to hear them.
Then, I made space for them.
We are so busy “being busy”. Telling ourselves we don’t have time, and that we are fine as things are, but we are tired and overwhelmed. Here a some suggestions that have made a HUGE difference in my life.
Learn to quiet your mind.
Seriously, if you can’t hear your dream, you need to press PAUSE on life. Take 5 minutes and sit quietly without distractions to hear what your own thoughts are.
Stop soaking in so much content.
Facebook, Instagram, YouTube – they are amazing resources and are entertaining, but they are full of other people fulfilling their dreams. You need to quiet the noise. Stop the scroll and think about what type of content you actually enjoy to look at or listen to. These are clues.
Learn to meditate.
For me, meditation has been the biggest key to help me create bandwidth. 20 minutes a day has changed my life. My brain used to be on overload, but I knew I had to release thoughts to uncover what made me light up. Meditation gives me PEACE and slows the momentum of the crazy days with three kids, work, etc.
Stop watching useless, random shows.
Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy TV. Always have enjoyed the escape and turning off my brain, but it wasn’t getting me anywhere. We don’t have a limitless amount of time on this earth and I would never want to waste the precious gift of life on back-to-back Netflix marathons week after week.
Instead, fill the gaps of time with reading, journaling, meditating, moving my body, personal development. Those are actually things I enjoy and they give me clarity. They also fill me up, so that I can have more to pour into my family. Which, to me, is a life well lived.
What time-wasters could you eliminate to make space for growth? What could you do to quiet the noise? That little voice IS inside of you, I challenge you to want to hear it and listen.
For more good stuff on how to create an inspired life and make space for your dreams, check out my free guide to uncover and inspire your BEST self.
Tina xo
Feeling overwhelmed in your life or business? Discover your unique mind-body type with our free Dosha Quiz and unlock personalized insights to help you come back into balance. Let ancient wisdom guide you to clarity—learn your Dosha and tap into your natural flow. 
