Hot Mess? I call BS.

Hot Mess? I call BS.

Unpopular opinion, perhaps, but when someone self-declares themselves as a hot mess, it makes me cringe. 
Yet, we see it all the time.  The hashtag “hot mess” has been used on Instagram over a million times.  
Declaring, or even thinking, that you are a hot mess is totally defeating.  It’s like you are putting on a brave face, by telling the world you don’t give a rip, yet you are labelling yourself which keeps you from having to reach for more or, more accurately, from wanting more.  
I know this “hot mess” feeling.  I know it well.  But sometimes we use trendy words without even realizing how much they play with our subconscious and keep us playing small.  
What does “hot mess” mean to you?  What is the woman who says this actually feeling?  Tired, wiped, barely holding on, needing a break, wishing she could feel like she’s got it all together, wanting to be energized and organized.  
This woman feels like there isn’t enough of her to go around, yet the Instagram photos would have her book-ending her day with “can’t function without coffee” and pouring a glass of red in the evening, talking about the crazy mom life, sporting a messy bun, and a cute oversized sweatshirt that says something witty, all while being praised for “keeping it real” and being relatable.   
Why is that more accepted than her saying, I’m really overwhelmed these days, but I know it will get better.  I’m doing what I can and being gentle with myself.  
Don't get me wrong, I like coffee and I enjoy a good glass of merlot once in a while. I get it, but we are missing the point with this surface level stuff that is actually hiding some bigger stuff.

It’s a crappy feeling to feel scattered and exhausted, but sometimes we announce it as a form of community building.  It’s like saying, hey all you other tired, overwhelmed women out there!  I’m here!  Let’s be this way together, so that it feels better.
But does it?  When you are down, does it feel better to be around others who are down or does it just feel more comfortable and safe?  When you are exhausted and depleted, does it feel energizing to focus on it?  Do you want to be in it longer, or do you want to move through it?
Let me be clear, I don’t think we always need to be pushing to be great, quite the opposite actually.  I do not believe in hustle culture whatsoever.  I believe strongly in healing and rest and honouring our feelings, but I do believe in refining ourselves and being resourceful in finding ways to feel better, to feel uplifted, to feel balanced and to feel peace.  I believe that we are meant to thrive and that life ebbs and flows.  We go through seasons of rest and hibernation, seasons of visibility and growth and seasons of abundance and flow.

You are not “a mess”.  You are so much more even if you are feeling like you are in a mess or feeling messy, or feeling messed up…it’s not who you are.  It is an experience you are having.
It’s an experience we’ve all had, but it doesn’t have to be something you label yourself as, and you can choose a different experience.
Imagine going to a conference and women could choose either “hot mess” as their name tag or “divine being”, what do you think most would choose?
What would you choose? 
How would each of those options feel?  How would you show up differently with each of those options?  

If you are going to declare something about yourself, let it be the truth of what’s really inside.  That’s keeping it real.  That’s showing up fully for your life.  That’s being in gratitude for another day on this earth.  
It’s time to start raising the bar for our well-being, wouldn’t you say?
I’d say so.  We are meant for so much more.
With so much love and belief for what’s possible for you,
Tina xo
Ps. And if you are feeling like you have no idea how to go from a “hot mess” in survival mode, to a divine being that is thriving, you need to be in the Glow with Your Flow program. 

I show you the path to feeling good again, to understanding yourself, to having better relationships with yourself and others, to remembering the truth of who you really are, to clarity, peace and balance for you specifically.

Want to make a change?  Check it out here. Our next round starts April 18th and it is currently $200 off, for a limited time!

Do THIS Before Setting Goals for 2022

Do THIS Before Setting Goals for 2022
We are at the top of a New Year.  There’s a lot of noise out there.

So many “shoulds” are popping up.  Whether you are looking around and what you see in others that you “want” or you feel like you need to be a certain way for others, the list goes on and on about all the self-improvements you want to make as a woman, a mother, in your career, your family life, your marriage, your body…I could go on.  Can you feel the heaviness in all of that?

This year, let’s simplify.  Before we start adding to all the lists, just as yourself this one question...

Am I just existing or am I thriving?

You might have been “just existing” for so long that you don’t even know what thriving looks like.  When we are in the noise and the business it’s hard to even have awareness of what something different might feel like.  

There is a massive difference between thriving and existing. 

Just existing can be very sneaky because it can even be a habit.  

Signs you are existing:

  • You make decisions that keep you small and safe

  • You don’t try new things

  • You react rather than respond

  • When you make a mistake, you look at is as failure rather than feedback

  • You can’t hear your inner voice and what others say and think about you is what you take as truth

  • You feel restricted rather than expansive

  • You feel like slowing down is wasting time

  • You push and push through the week rather than feeling the pull of peace and balance.

  • You feel like your body isn’t supporting you - low energy, poor digestion, lack of sleep and so on.

So WHY is it worth checking in with yourself, taking a breath and just listening?

Because you deserve to be happy.  A hamster wheel existence keeps you apart from remembering your wholeness.  Keeps you from experiencing  the potential of what this life has to offer.  Keeps you from being able to pour into others using your gifts.  Keeps you from feeling peace in your life and balance in your days.

So what now?  You’ve decided that perhaps you have been just existing.  How does that influence what you want for this year?

It means you should tune in and get choosy. Marie Kondo what is happening within you and around you.  Ask yourself, do you need it? Do you love it? Does it bring you joy?  Ask this about what you take in as food, how you spend your time, where you spend your money, what you watch, etc.

Start to live by the 80/20 rule…because it allows you to give yourself grace.  For example, you might not have a say in 20% of the people you surround yourself with, but for the other 80%, get choosy.

Get choosy about what you take in through your five senses.  It all affects you.  

Get choosy about what you put in your mouth…not based on the latest trend, but by how it makes you FEEL.

Slow down and begin to be aware of how you feel and it will change what you choose to hold on to, commit to, allow in, put out and spend time on.

This year, choose to start with awareness.  It’s the light on the path of thriving.

Burn bright,
Tina xo

I'd love to know, did you take time to reflect and ask yourself the question?  What came up for you? If this was helpful, share it with a friend and be sure to connect with me over on Instagram.