UNPOPULAR OPINION: WHY CALLING YOURSELF A "HOT MESS" IS HOLDING YOU BACK
Unpopular opinion, perhaps, but when someone self-declares themselves as a hot mess, it makes me cringe.
Yet, we see it all the time. The hashtag “hot mess” has been used on Instagram over a million times.
Declaring, or even thinking, that you are a hot mess is totally defeating. It’s like you are putting on a brave face, by telling the world you don’t give a rip, yet you are labeling yourself which keeps you from having to reach for more or, more accurately, from wanting more.
I know this “hot mess” feeling. I know it well. But sometimes we use trendy words without even realizing how much they play with our subconscious and keep us playing small.
WHAT DOES “HOT MESS” REALLY MEAN?
What does “hot mess” mean to you? What is the woman who says this actually feeling? Tired, wiped, barely holding on, needing a break, wishing she could feel like she’s got it all together, wanting to be energized and organized.
This woman feels like there isn’t enough of her to go around, yet the Instagram photos would have her book-ending her day with “can’t function without coffee” and pouring a glass of red in the evening, talking about the crazy mom life, sporting a messy bun, and a cute oversized sweatshirt that says something witty, all while being praised for “keeping it real” and being relatable.
Why is that more accepted than her saying, I’m really overwhelmed these days, but I know it will get better. I’m doing what I can and being gentle with myself?
THE SURFACE LEVEL STRUGGLE
Don’t get me wrong, I like coffee and I enjoy a good glass of merlot once in a while. I get it, but we are missing the point with this surface level stuff that is actually hiding some bigger stuff.
It’s a crappy feeling to feel scattered and exhausted, but sometimes we announce it as a form of community building. It’s like saying, hey all you other tired, overwhelmed women out there! I’m here! Let’s be this way together, so that it feels better.
But does it? When you are down, does it feel better to be around others who are down or does it just feel more comfortable and safe? When you are exhausted and depleted, does it feel energizing to focus on it? Do you want to be in it longer, or do you want to move through it?
EMBRACE HEALING, REST, AND GROWTH
Let me be clear, I don’t think we always need to be pushing to be great, quite the opposite actually. I do not believe in hustle culture whatsoever. I believe strongly in healing and rest and honouring our feelings, but I do believe in refining ourselves and being resourceful in finding ways to feel better, to feel uplifted, to feel balanced and to feel peace.
I believe that we are meant to thrive and that life ebbs and flows. We go through seasons of rest and hibernation, seasons of visibility and growth and seasons of abundance and flow.
YOU ARE NOT “A MESS”
You are not “a mess.” You are so much more even if you are feeling like you are in a mess or feeling messy, or feeling messed up…it’s not who you are. It is an experience you are having.
It’s an experience we’ve all had, but it doesn’t have to be something you label yourself as, and you can choose a different experience.
CHOOSING YOUR IDENTITY
Imagine going to a conference and women could choose either “hot mess” as their name tag or “divine being”, what do you think most would choose?
What would you choose?
How would each of those options feel? How would you show up differently with each of those options?
DECLARE THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE
If you are going to declare something about yourself, let it be the truth of what’s really inside. That’s keeping it real. That’s showing up fully for your life. That’s being in gratitude for another day on this earth.
It’s time to start raising the bar for our well-being, wouldn’t you say?
I’d say so. We are meant for so much more.
With so much love and belief for what’s possible for you,
Tina xo
P.S. If you are feeling like you have no idea how to go from a “hot mess” in survival mode, to a divine being that is thriving, you need to be in the Glow with Your Flow program.
I show you the path to feeling good again, to understanding yourself, to having better relationships with yourself and others, to remembering the truth of who you really are, to clarity, peace and balance for you specifically.
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